Incomplete
by windwhisprer
Summary: [oneshot][implied 3x9][Spoilers for vol. 7 of Reload] When they were apart, something was just.... missing.


**A/N: **Hello everyone. I wrote this after obtaining Saiyuki Reload vol. 7! Horrayz! I guess this is a celebration of the release, mostly because this idea hit me while I was reading it. So of course it has **spoilers** for vol. 7. This does have 39 hints but it's more implied then anything. You don't have to see it if you don't want to. It changes points of view, and I hope you can tell where it changes. I hope you don't mind that Sanzo's part is shorter then Goku's, because seriously there's all there was too it.

And is being mean, as it won't let me update anything new. (cries) I'm just glad this was already uploaded.

And I realize Incomplete is the backstreet boy song. Do not take reference from that. I hate the band. (growls)

C&C appreciated.

**Incomplete **

_**Goku **_

My head felt like it was splitting open from the sides when I woke up. It was the biggest, baddest headache I've ever gotten. And when I sat up, I couldn't see for a moment. Colors and images began swirling in front of my eyes and I couldn't even blink without it causing skull-splitting pain. So I groaned, closing my eyes tightly and held my head. After a few even breaths, I opened my eyes again and looked around. It was a simple room, with simple furniture, and I was alone.

That struck me hard as the previous dream hit me like a brick. It was a dream right? Flipping off the thin blanket, I felt for the supposed wounds. Nothing but sweat cloaked my skin and for a moment I was convinced that it had all been a dream. I was all right, and everyone else was probably getting breakfast. But it felt wrong. Something in the air was off, and caused my throat to close painfully tight. It felt like my soul was crying out for something. Something it longed to have close again; I hadn't felt this way since when I was in the cage.

Fear started to set in. What the hell was going on? Where was everyone? I sprung to my feet, though that seemed to be the wrong idea. My head spun, my vision swam and my legs gave out under me, causing me to go crashing to the floor. I groaned softly. Everything hurt. Everything was so sore! Panic began to set in as I began to doubt myself. Was that all truly a dream? Or…

The door opened and Hakkai entered. He smiled brightly, and let out a call of, "Goku? Thank goodness you're awake." _Something's wrong._ "Gojyo! Goku's awake."

I remember calling out his name pathetically, like a child who scraped his knees and couldn't stand. Hakkai gave me the usual lecture not to stand up too quickly, take care of myself and all that. But my mind was too occupied to listen to him. I noticed the way he limped across the floor and something inside me constricted painfully. Something was _very_ wrong.

Gojyo was next to appear, spouting some insult. I was too stunned to respond back in the usual way. It wasn't a dream. I really almost died. As the information began to wrap itself around my head, conversation continued. That person, whoever attacked me was like a ghost. His presence simply _wasn't there_. That alone was hard enough to try and comprehend. But something else was nudging at me, keeping me from thoughts of my attacker. Gojyo and Hakkai were _babbling._ Like how I did when I was younger and attempted to stay away from punishment Sanzo would surely rain down upon me. I simply couldn't lie to the golden haired priest. It would be like lying to the sun itself. You couldn't do it because the sun would know, and then things would only be worse then they began. So I babbled, attempting to delay the inevitable.

Then I realized why Gojyo and Hakkai were babbling.

"Where's Sanzo?"

Silence was my answer, and that only caused my fear to grow. I knew something had happened to my sun, had that feeling even in the depths of unconsciousness. Why were they lying to me? Was it worse then I feared? "What happened to Sanzo? Hey--!" They were ignoring me. "What happened to Sanzo!?"

"Don't know and don't care," Gojyo replied casually, sucking back on his cigarette. He dropped it to the ground as my explosion began.

"Yah don't what?!" This wasn't Gojyo at all. They may have fought, but I believed that the redhead cared for the monk on some level. "What the heck is that?! And you've both been acting weird since I woke up! Did something happen to Sanzo?"

Gojyo crushed the cigarette beneath his boot. "Nothing happened to Sanzo," Gojyo snarled with a bit of distaste, his tone mocking as he regarded me, half-naked and pathetically sitting on the bed. "Okay? Nothing." A dark look crossed Gojyo's face. It was stunning in its intensity. I don't think I've ever seen the Kappa that angry. "Which is exactly what he did for you when you needed him."

I could feel my breathing stop. My heart sounded abnormally loud in my ears, and I wondered on some sub-conscious level if Gojyo and Hakkai could hear it too. "What…"

"He ditched you, Goku. When you hit the ground, he took off."

He was lying. Sanzo would _never_ abandon me.

"Gojyo…"

They were both lying.

"I'm not going to lie to him, Hakkai! That unholy piece of shit ran off when Goku was dying right in front of him!"

He couldn't talk about Sanzo like that. Sanzo wasn't like that. Sanzo said he'd never leave me, no matter what any redheaded lying son-of-a-bitch Kappa said. Sanzo had a _reason_. Sanzo had a _purpose._

Sanzo did _not_ abandon me.

"Don't you think that's why he was so shaken up? The way Goku was, we were sure he was a goner."

Sanzo did _not_ abandon me.

"Ha! That bastard's always talking down everyone else! But when the shit hits the fan he's the one pissing his pants!"

Sanzo…. wouldn't abandon me…

"And when it was all over he just left, without saying anything! That prick can go suck himself!"

There is only so long I can tolerate Sanzo being bashed. My head snapped up, eyes widened a fracture. "What?" I yelled, causing eyes to turn to me. "You just left him?"

"He left _us_, Goku. Didn't you hear me?" Gojyo stressed the word as he took a step forwards. The way he said it made it sound as though Sanzo was not part of the 'us.' As far as I was concerned, the 'us' always contained four people. When was it knocked down to three? "He just turned around and walked away!"

Would Sanzo abandon me?

"He seemed to be talking to Mr. Hazel on his way out. We think he went with them, Goku."

_No. Sanzo would never abandon me. _

"…You're lying…" my lips seemed to voice my thoughts even before I really had any say in the matter. My eyes began to sting, though I wondered if it was from the tears or the fact that my eyes seemed to stretch beyond their limits.

"If I were lying…" Gojyo muttered, turning his face away from me. "Then we wouldn't be here."

"You're lying… that's crazy, okay!? It's just…" I don't even know what I said after that. I just yelled when I felt, and I think somewhere it struck a cord within my friends. Apparently not enough to change their minds. Because even after I told them that it was possible Sanzo was still in danger, Gojyo didn't care, and Hakkai didn't say a thing. I had never felt more betrayed.

So I ran.

I tried to run away from my friends. I had to find Sanzo. I had to find my sun because I was drowning in the darkness and the loneliness. It was when Hakkai grabbed me and I elbowed him on instinct that everything came crashing down. He fell to the ground, exposing bandages soaked in red. I could suddenly see Hakkai through an angry haze, blood blurring my vision, and I knew that I had caused those wounds. Something had gone horribly wrong, worse then I had first thought. I watched Gojyo attend to Hakkai where he'd fallen, and I could feel myself shaking.

I lifted my hands in front of myself, and I could practically see the blood that cloaked them. How long did I sleep while my friends suffered? "Did I…" Gojyo looked up as I spoke. From his expression I could only imagine that I looked positively grim. "Did I do that…?"

It was guilt. Guilt made me stay, and it also made me suffer. It was what I deserved after all, for causing such horrible wounds to such a good friend. But I could feel myself drowning in the darkness. I needed my sun, and every minute that went by without him was torture. I was dying inside. I had never felt this lonely, this isolated for so long. Even with Gojyo and Hakkai by my side, they couldn't take Sanzo's place. I needed Sanzo with me. I didn't care if I was a child, I needed my sun.

We're like rice and Sukiyaki. We just go together. One without the other is just…. Incomplete.

So yeah, I guess we're incomplete.

I need you, Sanzo. I promise I'll find you soon.

---

_**Sanzo **_

I couldn't sleep. I blamed the hot night air but I knew it was something else. It was the sight of Goku lying crumpled on the ground in front of me, bleeding to death burned into my mind. There was nothing I could do and that image of him, helpless, is haunting me.

Damnit, even when I get away from him that monkey still manages to bother me.

So I decided to get up for a smoke, stepping outside the small tent Hazel and I were sharing. Gat was awake, but I didn't bother with him. He looked to be lost within his own thoughts and I certainly wasn't about to talk to him. So I simply stood outside the tent, and smoked, because that seemed to be the only thing that could calm my nerves lately.

I kept reflecting back when Goku fell. I don't know what went through me when I saw him hit the ground, blood everywhere. Panic? Fear? Hatred? Anger? Sadness? I was numb, and I couldn't feel anything. I clutched Goku close to me, because it felt like if I let him go that I would never get him back. He would die if I let him go, and that was all I could think as I lay there, staring as the blood collected into a puddle below him. Below me too. He was _dying_ for fuck's sake and all I could do was freeze up.

Hakkai then slapped me, and I was able to let him go.

But I still felt pathetic as I stood back, and watched as Gojyo and Hakkai attempted to stop the blood flow. Even then I couldn't be of any help. I just stood there, and stared. There was blood everywhere. It was dripping through the cobblestones, slowly trickling towards my boot. He coughed out even more blood and I felt my masquerade cracking. I could practically hear it, it was so loud. It was that night with my master's death all over again. They both fell in front of my. Both of their blood was on my hands.

And as they both lay dying in front of me all I could do was stare.

But no, it was different this time. I could do something damnit! I knew who attacked Goku, and I would find him and _send him to the fucking pits of hell._ I couldn't stand to see if Goku would survive, because looking at him now made me sick with remorse. I wouldn't be able to stand myself if all I could do was stare as Goku died. I had to kill that mother-fucker, so I could be content with the fact that even if Goku died, I had avenged his death like I was unable to do with my master.

Who was I kidding? Content? If Goku died it wouldn't matter what I did, because I would be miserable for the rest of my mortal life.

I had never realized how attached I'd become. I fucking hated myself for it.

Because wasn't this what I was trying to protect myself from? The pure, consuming hatred and sadness and anger that overcame me? If so I had failed in my mission of detachment, because I wanted to kill someone for touching Goku. The monkey hadn't even done anything. What right did anyone have to try and kill him when he was doing nothing more then complaining for a midnight snack?

So I chased this illusive phantom who'd stuck Goku down. He was close, taunting me. It was as though he was leading me on, pulling me every which way to keep me away from Goku. It was when he disappeared all together that I noticed the pure overpowering aura of Seiten Taisei. I hated myself for leaving, and went back to find him.

When I did I found Goku staring blankly up at the sky, his expression that of pure pain, something in my snapped. I watched him teeter for a moment; his body obviously underwent a serious shock, before he finally crumpled to the ground. I hated myself as I only stared as Gojyo slammed the limiter back on his head.

Again, I could only watch. That was all I was good for!? Why the hell hadn't I been here? I could've helped. Why had I been chasing shadows when Goku needed me? Why didn't I hear him calling me?

There were so many questions. So many unanswered. I hated myself even more as I watched Gojyo lift both Goku and Hakkai up, before walking away. He left me, because I couldn't do anything. Wasn't that my motto; if something's useless, leave it behind? Hadn't I told it to those three demons often? I guess I'd finally lived out my own saying. I'd finally become useless. But there was one last thing I still had to do. I had to avenge Goku, even if he wasn't dead. Whoever chose to mess with the brunet hadn't realized what they were getting into, because I swore at that moment to destroy that man. The one without a soul who seemed to sift along on the wind.

He had to _die_.

After that, I don't know what I'd do. Perhaps continue to the west? Or perhaps turn the gun to my own head, because people certainly didn't have use for something broken. I must've been broken, because I couldn't seem to do anything right these days. The sight of Goku's blood still clung to the back of my eyelids.

That was another thing I realized. I never recognized that I was afraid of blood until I saw it all leaking out of Goku. Or maybe it was Goku's I was afraid of. I was afraid of seeing that much of Goku's blood running through the cobblestone streets.

I felt oddly isolated as I stared up at the stars that night. Had Goku's presence really had that much of an effect on me? I felt disoriented, sleepless, bemused, and incomplete, as corny as it sounds. God, did Goku's lack of presence cause my whole personality to crumble too? I would have to hit him later for that.

If the boy was even alive.

Hell, I didn't even know if Goku was still breathing. He could be dead by now, and I would never know. He might've died without me, then what the hell would I do?

I snorted softly, lighting another cigarette, it was going to be a long night, and my misery was poor company. Looking down, I realized that soon I would be out of cigarettes.

_Fuck. _


End file.
